Women's Money Wisdom
Balancing careers, caregiving, and personal well-being is no small feat—especially for women who often carry the weight of multiple roles. From supporting aging parents to raising children and managing demanding careers, financial planning can easily take a back seat. But your financial future deserves attention, and we’re here to help you take charge.
Welcome to Women's Money Wisdom, the podcast designed to empower women with the knowledge and confidence to build financial security and achieve their dreams. Hosted by Melissa Joy, CFP®, founder of Pearl Planning, each weekly episode offers practical financial insights, expert guidance, and real conversations about money.
Join us to enhance your financial literacy, make informed decisions, and take the next step toward financial freedom. At Pearl Planning, located in Dexter, Michigan, we’re committed to helping you navigate every stage of your financial journey.
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Investment advisory services offered by Pearl Planning, a DBA of Stephens Consulting LLC., an SEC registered investment advisor. Please remember that past performance may not be indicative of future results. Different types of investments involve varying degrees of risk, and there can be no assurance that the future performance of any specific investment, investment strategy, or product (including the investments and/or investment strategies recommended or undertaken by Pearl Planning, or any non-investment related content, made reference to directly or indirectly in this Podcast will be profitable, equal any corresponding indicated historical performance level(s), be suitable for your portfolio or individual situation, or prove successful. Due to various factors, including changing market conditions and/or applicable laws, the content may no longer be reflective of current opinions or positions. Moreover, you should not assume that any discussion or information contained in this podcast serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from Pearl Planning. To the extent that a listener has any questions regarding the applicability of any specific issue discussed above to his/her individual situation, he/she is encouraged to consult with the professional advisor of his/her choosing. Pearl Planning is neither a law firm, nor a certified public accounting firm, and no portion of the Podcast content should be construed as legal or accounting advice. A copy of Pearl Planning’s current written disclosure Brochure discussing our advisory services and fees is available upon request or at www.pearlplan.com. Content represents the opinion of the speaker and not necessarily that of Pearl Planning.
Women's Money Wisdom
Episode 173: Rediscovering Yourself and Finding Balance in Motherhood with Carmie Buhalis
Do you feel like you've lost a part of yourself since becoming a mom? Our guest, Carmie Buhalis, owner and founder of Yoga Express and life and wellness coach, is here to remind you that it's possible to find balance and reinvent yourself after motherhood. We dive into the challenges of losing our identity and the importance of prioritizing self-care in our daily lives. Carmie shares her insights on how self-reflection and understanding our own needs and emotions can help us remain calm and composed even in the most difficult situations.
Resources:
- Learn more about Life + Wellness Coaching with Carmie Buhalis.
- Connect with Carmie Buhalis on Instagram.
- Find out more about Yoga Express.
- Learn more about Pearl Planning.
Links are being provided for information purposes only. The information herein is general and educational in nature and should not be considered legal or tax advice. Tax laws and regulations are complex and subject to change, which can materially impact investment results. Pearl Planning cannot guarantee that the information herein is accurate, complete, or timely. Pearl Planning makes no warranties with regard to such information or results obtained by its use and disclaims any liability arising out of your use of, or any tax position taken in reliance on, such information. Consult an attorney or tax professional regarding your specific situation. Please note, changes in tax laws or regulations may occur at any time and could substantially impact your situation. Pearl Planning financial advisors do not render advice on tax matters. You should discuss any tax matters with the appropriate professional. Historical performance results for investment indices, benchmarks, and/or categories have been provided for general informational/comparison purposes only, and generally do not reflect the deduction of transaction and/or custodial charges, the deduction of an investment management fee, nor the impact of taxes, the incurrence of which would have the effect of decreasing historical performance results. It should not be assumed that your Pearl Planning account holdings correspond directly to any comparative indices or categories.
The previous presentation by PEARL PLANNING was intended for general information purposes only. No portion of the presentation serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from PEARL PLANNING or any other investment professional of your choosing. Different types of investments involve varying degrees of risk, and it should not be assumed that future performance of any specific investment or investment strategy, or any non-investment related or planning services, discussion or content, will be profitable, be suitable for your portfolio or individual situation, or prove successful. Neither PEARL PLANNING’s investment adviser registration status, nor any amount of prior experience or success, should be construed that a certain level of results or satisfaction will be achieved if PEARL PLANNING is engaged, or continues to be engaged, to provide investment advisory services. PEARL PLANNING is neither a law firm nor accounting firm, and no portion of its services should be construed as legal or accounting advice. No portion of the video content should be construed by a client or prospective client as a guarantee that he/she will experience a certain level of results if PEARL PLANNING is engaged, or continues to be engaged, to provide investment advisory services. A copy of PEARL PLANNING’s current written disclosure Brochure discussing our advisory services and fees is available upon request or at https:...
Welcome to the 52 Pearls Weekly Money Wisdom Podcast. I'm Melissa Joy, a certified financial planner and founder of Pearl Planning, And I'm Melissa Friedenberg, financial advisor with Pearl Planning. Pearl Planning is a financial planning and investment management company located in Dexter and Gross Point, Michigan. We work with clients all around the country. The purpose of our podcast is to explore specific financial topics and provide advice you can use in your everyday life. Hello and welcome to another episode of the 52 Pearls Weekly Money Wisdom Podcast. This is Melissa Friedenberg in the Gross Point office, And today I'm here with Karmie Buhalus.
Speaker 1:Karmie is the owner and founder of Yoga Express and she's also a life and wellness coach. She helps women who juggle it all find balance, less stress and more fulfillment. Her mission is to help others step into their highest potential by sharing tools and practices that can help unlock the energy that's been holding them back and shift from ordinary to extraordinary in all aspects of their life. I've known her for some time. She just has this energy about her. It can just turn your day around with her positive energy. So I'm so thrilled that she's sharing this energy with people in the form of life coaching And then, of course, with us here on this podcast. Karmie, welcome to the 52 Pearls Weekly Money Wisdom.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Melissa. I'm so excited to be here with you.
Speaker 1:Today we are going to be talking about our experiences of reinvention. Both of us were stay-at-home moms for a period of time And love talking to Karmie because it always makes me feel excited for the possibilities of reinventing myself again. She just gets me excited to think about all these things. But I do think it's something that women, especially in our age range 40s we think about what we're going to be when we grow up again. We give so much of our time to our kids, to our spouses, to our parents, that when we think about what are we going to be when we have time right, when things settle down, do you ever do that?
Speaker 2:Absolutely All the time. Ask my husband.
Speaker 1:Well, you just said to me you're like, well, when your kids are gone, you'll have time to do this, right? I don't know, because I've always like, well, we're there in school And then when they're, maybe when they're older, when they can drive themselves, and then you just keep waking up every day. Like adulthood is this like waiting for things to settle down, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I watched a movie. I can't remember the name of it, but it was like, why save the good stuff for later? And it's so true. Yeah, it's like no, now's the time.
Speaker 1:I think. I mean, i'm not there yet, but I think somebody would just wake up and you're like, wow, i've been waiting to do this and like it's kind of too late.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, right now is the time I think it becomes that. Why not now? Because you know, let's face it, being a parent takes up a lot of time and taking care of the kids And you think that you're gonna have more time when they get bigger and, you know, while they're in school, from eight until three or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Rikwak creeps up fast, Real fast, real fast, And you're still doing all of the things to take care of them, to take care of the house. You know you're running around, You're doing the things that whoever's going to work in the family doesn't have time to do. So you're still managing a lot And it just becomes this space. It's like okay, what else? Like what about me?
Speaker 1:I felt a lot of anxiety about not doing enough when I was a stay-at-home mom, about like I should be doing something else with my life And now, looking back, having done a thing, reinvented myself over you know six, seven years. Now I look back with such like love and admiration for that time when I got to just be with my kids when they were little And I think, forgetting the times and we're literally crying on the floor, i do look back at it really fondly and kind of feel guilt that I didn't enjoy it more. I don't know, did you enjoy your time at the time when you were home?
Speaker 2:I will be honest with you, i did not. I thought that that's what I always wanted. I really wanted to have kids. I wanted to stay home with them And I got what I wanted, right, right. It was so challenging for me because I lost my identity. Yes, i got to a space where I was like I don't know who I am outside of this And what was happening for me. It was like, especially when the kids were really young, i just felt like I was always like on the floor, like taking care of them and just, you know that constant cleanup, and we would get food on the table, we would get cleaned up, everybody would like do their thing. And then it was time to do it all over again. And by the time, you know, my husband got home from work, he would kind of come into the house and look and be like what did you guys do all day? And I thought to myself I'm losing my mind. But I got really resentful.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was pretty angry because I lost myself in it And I didn't take time for me to take care of myself. And, looking back, if that's the one regret that I have, is that I didn't put myself at the top of the list, because it makes a difference. It's all the day goes.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think about that too, because I always thought there wasn't enough time, like, well, now I'm working, if I were a stay-at-home mom I would be in the best shape. I always say that like I would just work out, i would just like eat healthy and make salads. And I was a stay-at-home mom and I ate nuggets off the seat of my car. Mac and cheese Goldfish, exactly. I ate whole. Because there's this like working mom, stay-at-home mom, kind of like. I noticed that now I'm like the working mom's group that I'm in And it's almost like I love that I got to experience both because I realized that grass isn't greener, because, like I would, go to.
Speaker 1:Kirby pickup, and that's one of the places we met.
Speaker 2:Yes, Because our kids were.
Speaker 1:Miss Maddalena's kindergarten classic Kirby, And that was like my big social event for the day, right.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Your coffee and you go talk on the blacktop to other moms like a drop-off And I remember seeing like working moms that were like their hair was done and their makeup was done and they had like a suit or something professional on and I would like long for that And like they have a life outside of here. I'm gonna go home and fill the dishwasher And so, but I feel like now that I talked to other moms that never had that stay-at-home experience, they look back And they were like looking at us in our yoga pants, not working out.
Speaker 2:And you probably were.
Speaker 1:You probably were, because you were into that shit.
Speaker 2:I did a little bit. I did a little bit of both.
Speaker 1:Everybody's looking at everybody else and thinking that they have like a better thing Right.
Speaker 2:It's like oh, we want what we don't have And then get it And we're like, why did I want this again? Yeah, you know. So it just becomes. I really think, melissa, when you start to become intentional with what you want, with how you spend your time, the scene really changes. If you're just kind of going through the motion and it's like this is just what a stay at home mom does And you start to sort of fall into that trap of this is just the way that it is, it can get what's the word I'm looking for? Menonism.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, like what's that movie Groundhogs? Yes, wherever, daybreak of the Night, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like where's the passion, where's the purpose? Like I've lost myself in this. Yeah, right, well, if I went back to that time, knowing what I know now, you know there would be so many things that I would do differently. And I think the first thing I would do differently is just my thoughts about all of it. Yeah, it's like, okay, i'm a stay at home mom, like what am I going to do to keep the passion? You know, or that feeling of we talked about like being grateful, like I'm so grateful to be able to stay home.
Speaker 1:Now Yes.
Speaker 2:Now.
Speaker 1:I look back because it goes so fast, so fast And you're like, oh my gosh, like I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1:And you always talk about this like thinking about intentions and what are you grateful for today, Like in the moment when you wake up, Had I done that and been like, okay, I am grateful I might not be able to take a shower by myself today, but I am so grateful that I can slow down and stay in my jammies and we can just watch television or snuggle or read a book and do those things and have the time to slow down. But I wasn't. I was like I got to do so much in laundry, I got to change the sheets, I've got to like you know whatever, And then somebody spills something or dumps out all the puzzles and you're just like ah, yeah, like.
Speaker 1:I don't know. So I feel like being in the moment and maybe if I could take a lesson from that time of like finding the gratitude now with teenagers, because some days for I'm going to let that be like I miss that, leaving empty cereal boxes in my cabinet. I'm really like pull out an empty cereal box from the pantry one day when they're off in college or have their own like life somewhere and just tear up.
Speaker 2:Right, It's funny just the way that it is. But it's like how, how can we be present in this moment, Because we're always filling the space with like the busyness, and it's like, oh, I got to keep myself busy, Oh, I got to. You know, we're moving from one thing to the next. And it's like how can I just be in my pajamas and enjoy my children in the mess?
Speaker 1:OK, i think some moms do that. Yeah, they do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because they're only small for like you know how fast it goes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but how do these moms have that knowledge of that? Because I feel like always in like the target check out line, somebody like, as JP was like dangling from the cart and pulling Jackie's hair or something, would be like enjoy it. It goes so fast And I want to punch them in the face, right, because you don't. Yeah, you're kind of like all right, lady, i'm just trying to get to nap time, ok, so I can have a second to scroll on my phone.
Speaker 2:I used to think people were crazy, that would stop me, and the kids were like toddlers And they would be like, oh, i miss that age so much.
Speaker 1:I do that now.
Speaker 2:I'm not myself. I'm that mom. I will never say that to somebody because this age to me, that age was the hardest age. It was such a nightmare for me And I don't miss it, Like I just don't Yeah.
Speaker 1:So when people would say that to me, i would be like oh my gosh, i never want to wish this on anybody.
Speaker 2:Like I miss the cuteness of them for a moment when they're that small. But that was really challenging. So you're right, like when people come up to you and they're like, enjoy it. It's hard to enjoy it when you're in that moment and it's really, really challenging And you feel like you're sort of treading water. Like it all depends on what life was like back then and the tools that you had to deal with those situations.
Speaker 1:So, since you're the expert on this and I'm having hindsight realization, what are some things? if somebody is listening to this podcast and is in the weeds like I don't know, i was a waitress, that's what we would call it We're in the weeds of this parenting thing, whether it's toddlers or teenagers or newborns. Like how can you round yourself and be conscious of the moment? if you're not one of those people, naturally like myself. That is not like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i think when it starts to feel a little bit overwhelming and you can tell like things when are starting to spin out of control, it's like just pause, take a deep breath, remind yourself of how much love you have for these humans that you're caring for. And it was like I just read this recently What would love do? Love would not care that you have dirty dishes. Love would not make you feel guilty about just being in the mess with your kid right. Love would be there with them. Love would love them through whatever tantrum they're throwing.
Speaker 1:This is cool. I like where you're going with this and I feel like you're just not the person that Like. you're a very neat person, i feel like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i like things to be neat. And here was the big lesson for me. I had to get to the point where I stopped making it about the kids and the husband and everybody else that was making the mess, because I would be like, oh, they always leave their stuff and why can't they just pick up That, those thoughts that I was having, that was making me unhappy. Yeah, spirals, it spirals. When I decided, if I like to be neat, then I'm gonna pick the things up without being resentful for them leaving them there. I'm just gonna pick it up because I like it to be me.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:That does, and that's such a great way of looking at it, i mean. And actually I have to say, jay is very neat too, so he actually cleans up after me sometimes, which works out great but the kids are messy. But either way, yeah, like not resentful, like I have to clean up this mess that somebody else made, but like I wanna clean it up for myself because I can't work in a messy environment.
Speaker 1:Like I have to like pick things up in order to function. But I always wanted to be more like somebody that could just let a mess go, like to sit down on the floor and play with a sink full of dirty dishes because I couldn't right, so I feel sometimes guilty that maybe I missed out on some fun because I was like cleaning up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's totally normal And I don't think you're alone in that. So other people feel that Absolutely. I mean, I felt that myself. I think the trap that we get into is like when we start to compare ourselves to others.
Speaker 1:Comparison is such the thief of joy It's.
Speaker 2:I was just gonna say it's the killer of joy It does. It takes the joy away from your moment. Like we live in an age where everybody's life is on display, a highlight reel. It's like you didn't get to see the work that went into all of that to make it look that way. Right, we just show like the best version. But the truth is it's like just own yourself, work on yourself, go inside first and work on you. See the transformation that happens. It's just really cool. Like when I stopped making it about like if they could just change the way that they showed up, if that person could just do it this way, if only they did it the way that I do it. You're not gonna be happy. That's true, because you can't change anybody outside of yourself. We only have control over the way that we show up. So once I started to get that and like play around with it, i was like, whoa, this stuff works.
Speaker 1:And that's why you're always so calm, cool and like you're laughing, like that's not true. I like to hear that you're not, because it makes me feel better about myself, because I'm comparing myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, you know what? I wasn't always calm and cool. I was. You know, i'm a recovering Yeller. I used to yell man, did I yell Really? Oh yeah, when my kids were small I would yell and scream And that did not feel good. And I think back to that and I'm like whoa, like there are moments in my life that get really intense, but I don't react that way anymore. It's like you can raise a voice And that to me feels like wildly uncomfortable, because I like to reside in this peaceful place, right, like all the yoga, the meditation, everything that I've studied in practice in that realm has brought so much peace into my life. So when things get a little bit chaotic and you have the opportunity to kind of explode, that doesn't feel good to me anymore. Okay, it happens and I'll lose my temper, but not the way that I used to.
Speaker 1:That's interesting So and I feel like I yell less now and get less worked up only because my kids, as teenagers, make fun of me now like they have like with each other, like if they see me lose my shit, they will start being like they'll look at each other with the eyes and they'll like do the like you have that outer body experience.
Speaker 1:Like they're making fun of me right now, Like for me losing money And no joke about stuff They're like remember the time you threw the chicken nugget at Jackie because she was complaining? that you know, i got four nuggets and six And I was like I do remember that And we can laugh at ourselves for that kind of like ridiculous behavior. Well, it is funny, it is funny.
Speaker 2:I mean it's funny. It's funny And you can laugh about it. It is, it's like wow look at me.
Speaker 1:I was pissed that day when I threw the chicken It was it was? it's like we're throwing our own little temper tantrums or big temper tantrums. I threw a chicken nugget at my kids. Yeah, who does?
Speaker 2:that Well, lots of people.
Speaker 1:You're good, but they don't put in their highlight meal It's.
Speaker 2:they do not put it in their highlight reel. They had to not go on Instagram like, but it should.
Speaker 1:That's the funny stuff.
Speaker 2:Like that's the stuff that makes life just so real. It's like sometimes those kids press all the buttons at once because they are master teachers And they are here for our learning. Like I always joke with my mom, she's always like you know, i would be like mom. Every night I pray for patients and she tells me and car me. Every day God gives you the opportunity to practice patience And that, for me, was like such a big aha. I was like you're right, it is. It's just like this one big experiment And we're all just learning from each other. And it's like how could I do this better? That's always been what I've always been about. How can I do it better?
Speaker 1:And to kind of bring it back to that comparison is the thief of joy concept is, instead of comparing yourself to somebody else, compare yourself to how you were yesterday or last week And it's your own thing You're getting better, a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. So that's the other thing is friendship. Sometimes they don't nurture those And it's not personal, it's your busy. I feel better if I take an afternoon, have coffee with a friend or go on a walk, and I think that really is a self-soothing thing.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I think connection is so important.
Speaker 1:Do things that kind of ground you and make you. That was the one thing that I think kept my identity as my relationship with my friends and other friends that had little kids. When we would get together at the top lot and they'd more our kids for a bit And ketchup. We always had 60-half conversations, right, right.
Speaker 2:We'd never made a conversation. Yeah, there's that too.
Speaker 1:But they were so therapeutic.
Speaker 2:Really. I mean that's so important is the connection And just bringing it back to like that's part of taking care of yourself. We need to be connected to others. We need space outside of our roles whether it be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom or whatever your roles are that you're currently playing. There needs to be time for you to be you.
Speaker 1:Very important And have that identity. Do as Karmie says, not as Melissa does. That is the lesson here on this podcast If people are listening and they think, wow, I need more of this zen and perspective in my life. Karmie is a life and wellness coach And I will link her website in the show notes here, So if you want to find out more about that It's karmiebueholistcom.
Speaker 2:You can connect with me through the website Or you can find me on Instagram. That is where I live my life, essentially, because I'm doing all the things all at once And my Instagram handle is just at karmiebueholist And I share daily inspirations and just kind of a bit of my life so you can see these tools in action.
Speaker 1:Thanks so much for being here. I really appreciate it. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:It's always a pleasure. I love talking to you.
Speaker 1:You can access our first two seasons of this podcast on our website, at wwwpearlplancom, or on Spotify. If you're interested in learning more about pearl planning, feel free to sign up for our newsletter, also found on our website.
