Episode 330: Are You the Family CFO? Recognizing the Invisible Work of Managing Household Finances

In many households, one person quietly carries the full weight of the family's financial life: tracking premiums, coordinating with advisors, managing the budget, and planning for the future. Melissa Joy, CFP®, founder and president of Pearl Planning, calls this person the family's chief financial officer, and she has been seeing the role come up repeatedly in client conversations. 

Whether that responsibility falls on a spouse, a partner, or a single individual managing everything alone, the invisible work of being the household CFO deserves a closer look.

In this solo episode, Melissa Joy, CFP®, explores the hidden costs of carrying that financial load, the risks that can build when only one person holds all the knowledge, and how to build a stronger financial team, with or without a financial planner. 

She walks through practical steps for creating regular money meetings, shares what a productive financial check-in actually looks like, and explains when it might be time to bring in outside support. If you have ever felt the weight of managing your family's money mostly on your own, this episode is for you.

What You'll Learn

• What the role of the family CFO actually looks like, and why so many people fall into it by default
• The hidden costs and invisible mental load that come with being the primary financial decision-maker in a household
• Signs that you may be carrying too much financial responsibility on your own
• What those not in the CFO role may be missing, and why that gap can matter
• How to run a productive monthly money meeting using a structured agenda
• When it makes sense to bring in a financial professional to help share the load
• How the stakes change as you approach retirement and why more shared financial knowledge matters then

The previous presentation by PEARL PLANNING was intended for general information purposes only.  No portion of the presentation serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from PEARL PLANNING or any other investment professional of your choosing. Different types of investments involve varying degrees of risk, and it should not be assumed that future performance of any specific investment or investment strategy, or any non-investment related or planning services, discussion or content, will be profitable, be suitable for your portfolio or individual situation, or prove successful. Neither PEARL PLANNING’s investment adviser registration status, nor any amount of prior experience or success, should be construed that a certain level of results or satisfaction will be achieved if PEARL PLANNING is engaged, or continues to be engaged, to provide investment advisory services. PEARL PLANNING is neither a law firm nor accounting firm, and no portion of its services should be construed as legal or accounting advice. No portion of the video content should be construed by a client or prospective client as a guarantee that he/she will experience a certain level of results if PEARL PLANNING is engaged, or continues to be engaged, to provide investment advisory services. A copy of PEARL PLANNING’s current written disclosure Brochure discussing our advisory services and fees is available upon request or at https...

Transcript

Welcome And What We Do Here

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Women's Money Wisdom Podcast. I'm Melissa Joy, a certified financial planner and the founder of Pearl Planning. My goal is to help you streamline and organize your finances, navigate big money decisions with confidence, and be strategic in order to grow your wealth. As a woman, you work hard for your money, and I'm here to help you make the most of it. Now let's get into the show.

Meet The Household CFO

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Hello and welcome back to the Women's Money Wisdom Podcast. Today we're going to be talking all about the role of the family's chief financial officer. And we're not talking about the CFO in a corner office. We are talking about the CFO of your household. You're the one who may remember when the property taxes are due. You know where all the insurance policies are and when you pay those premiums. You schedule the appointments, you're interfacing with the financial advisor. You're keeping track of everything. That person came up for me in client conversations this week. And I thought it was great to bring it up on the podcast today, too. And I'll tell you, it wasn't only women who were describing themselves in this role. I had a prospective client who is male who was talking about how, you know, they're really kind of running the money in the family. And it was his wife's preference that, you know, they keep it that way, that um she isn't as interested in being responsible for the money aspects of the family. Same thing in another meeting with an existing client where we were talking about um the family with both spouses in the room. And um the wife is really the one who keeps track of everything. And we were actually having a meeting with um her, which we'd already met with her in the past, and her spouse, getting everybody up to speed on how they're doing when it comes to the money. But, you know, one of the things that it reminded me of as I was having both of those discussions and just reflecting on the irony that we had them both all in one day is what burdens that role has, what value you can have by switching things up and changing the communication channels. And I was just reflecting on the role of the family CFO and thinking that it was worth having a conversation here on the podcast about it.

How Families Split Money Work

SPEAKER_01 2:42

So, first of all, I just want to define um some of the things that I see when it comes to families and having a chief financial officer. So in many families, you know, the conversations coming in um are, you know, here's my role and here's their role. And so in some cases, everybody is kind of a collaborative, um, let's say a co-op where everybody is really invested and shared in joint decision making. But in so many cases, both based on um life experiences, personal interest, um what you are bringing to the table, or also just by default, based on, you know, just the reality of a the modern American family is there just isn't enough time. So sometimes it's divide and conquer. The reality is that you have probably fallen into um habits where you each have divisions of labor when it comes to finances. And so here's some of the things that I see. Sometimes I see families where one person has more affinity or interest in investing, and so they may um really take on the investing hat or responsibility while somebody else is like making sure there's enough money in the accounts, paying the bills. Sometimes that financial role is all rolled up into one person. And of course, this is some women's money wisdom podcast. So I'm probably um I might have different cohorts than the average American family, but I see a lot of that division of labor being divided both amongst women and men, as I've already mentioned to you. Um, and so, and then I would also mention that in some cases they're you're a single person household in many cases. Um, and you know, looking at that list, you may have things that you know how to do and feel confident in, and other things where you're like, I just am not gonna pick up the phone and know how to, you know, have a conversation with an estate planner very easily. And um, so you for those people as well, this conversation is very relevant of just thinking about are you fulfilling the duties of the family CFO because you are by default your CFO? And, you know, where are the hidden pain points? Um, so anyway, I just will mention again that um, you know, I think a good thing to reflect upon as you're listening to this conversation is what are the roles in your household? Um, if you're single, which roles do you embrace and which roles are just kind of an eye roll and a pain in the butt? If you are in a partnership, then um is everything wrapped into one? Are you a collaborative and co-op, or um has someone um taken over the investment side, some someone taken over the cash flow side? But then as we pivot, I want us to think about that role and what may or may not be working.

The Hidden Cost Of Being CFO

SPEAKER_01 5:55

And to begin with, I want to acknowledge that there can be a hidden cost to having the responsibility in the role. Of course, if you're like me, um, like to be the decision maker, really feel more comfortable when you're in control, it can feel like, no, this is a relief because I am making sure that all the bases are covered. Um, but, or and there's also a lot of invisible work required to be that chief financial officer for your family. When you think about what that mental load might be, um, you've got, oh my gosh, did I remember to pay that premium? Was that reimbursement submitted? We've got to get our tax documents together. Where are they? Can you go grab this one or that one? Um, maybe coordinating benefits when you don't have them all um under your job, um, thinking it ahead and planning a vacation, but also making sure that you can afford it. Um, also the burden of thinking about caregiving for parents andor adult children. When you carry the burden of making sure that's all working kind of on your own, because not um, well, in some cases it may be just like, hey, I don't want that job from your partner. And in other cases, it may just be by habit or default. That can be an invisible backpack that's weighted down with a lot of stress or anxiety or need for extra exertion of energy that may not be working for you the way it did in the past. Um, there could be decision fatigue or just a lingering, you know, kind of list of unresolved things that remain on your to-do list and aren't getting done. And so I don't know if anyone else hears that um, you know, that um echo of like, oh, this really resonates for me. Um, but I know that it has the potential to be out there. And I've had those types of discussions um with families in the past. And I just thought it was um a time to make space and time to acknowledge that what has worked in the past may not always work forever. And sometimes it's a good time to bring the other family member into the conversation and or it um add a financial professional to the conversation as well. Of course, I'm biased, but that's often what I'm doing. And in both of those conversations that I just discussed and described from just this week, um, that was um something that really the financial family, the family member who was wearing the financial hat was asking for of like, hey, can you prove to my partner that we're doing a good job in one case? And in the other case, um, there was an acknowledgement, like, hey, I know if I weren't here, I would be concerned. Um, and we've discussed this as a family about my making sure that my spouse is prepared for managing things financially. I want another person in the room that knows everything going on and and what we're building toward so that we know we're prepared in case something goes bump in the night.

Risks When One Person Holds It

SPEAKER_01 9:09

So when you're thinking about the roles that you've established in your household, can you then spend some time thinking about where the hidden risks may be of the decisions and how they're being made in the family unit right now? So um is there um a lot more knowledge in one area of money than others? And maybe are you taking undue risks, um, concentration risk, or that list of things that hasn't gotten done keeps getting longer because you just don't have the time. And that um could be an area where when someone only one person holds all the knowledge, you may be exposed. The other thing is you may, especially as this, I find this as you're approaching retirement, um, what's worked for you in the past may not be working in the future. As you approach retirement, um, you know, there's a bigger trust fall because you don't have that river of income floating in from one or both jobs. And so then you need more proof of preparation and proof of concept that can come up in more tense communications or just a need for, like, hey, prove it to me, where then you may have a need to bring somebody in and discuss um things differently because there's this approaching pivot and change coming, this approaching transition that makes it important to know and understand things in a more collective manner. Um, so if you're you if you happen to be the CFO, I want you to think through some of the signs that you may be carrying too much. Um, that could be a lot of different things. Perhaps you're the only person in the family that has all that passwords. Um, you're the only person who understands the budget and you're really providing a reporting function to the rest of the family instead of you know a collaborative communication and decision-making function. Financial tasks are just always kind of left at your plate, um, or you feel an um unease or kind of resentment um starting to pop up about the need for more money decisions? Um so on the flip side, if you're the person who isn't that financial CFO, I want you to reflect too. Is there a lack of communication that you would like to change? Um, do you feel left out of the financial picture? Do you need to that do you feel that you need to ask for permission to do things that you feel like as an independent adult, it isn't appropriate to have to get permission for? Um, all of these could be signs if you're not that financial CFO, that you have a desire for more um collaborative discussions, decisions, and communications. Another big one that I see is that there's um the flip side of that resentment if you're carrying all the burden, a resentment that mistakes you feel could have been made in the past that you didn't have the opportunity to understand your family was getting into. I've heard that a lot in families over the years. And also um, frankly, sometimes in cases of divorces where there's uh ongoing, you know, kind of lament of how things had been handled in the past.

Signs The System Needs To Change

SPEAKER_01 12:53

And so finally, as we discuss, you know, some of the problems that may be there if there's a singular CFO, I want to talk to you about how to build a better financial team with or without a financial planner. So one of the things that I strongly recommend, whether you're working with a financial professional or not, is to have times where you set aside to kind of get on the same page when it comes to money. At our company, we operate on the entrepreneur operating system. So I'm gonna give you an agenda based on EOS, which is a great um kind of business running um system that might help you to run those financial meetings yourself. Um, so uh when you call the meeting to order, bring in um it might be just with yourself and you're, you know, kind of doing a state of the affairs, or if you're um in a relationship, bring in your partner. If you have children who are more mature, contributing to the household, or a family member like a parent who is more involved in the household, you may even include them. And I would start that meeting um with some positive reflections, um, talk about a great um positive when it comes to money and a great positive just in general. It really sets a positive tone for the entire discussion. And then you can share some headlines um that collectively that you have when it comes to money in the family. Maybe someone got a promotion, benefits changed at work, um, you're make getting more serious about retirement. So just record those headlines or discuss them amongst yourselves. And then if you had a budget per se, or you had some goals that you wanted to be keeping track of in the family, you can report on those goals. So you could, for example, say, hey, here's how the budget worked for last month. We stayed in line. Um, energy use was good. I heard that with a family this week, um, kept the bills under in a hot month. Um, so if you have any key performance indicators or things you're tracking when it comes to money, accounts grew over 500,000 and we'd really set that as a goal. That would be great to reflect upon. And then um you make space and time um for uh, well, first you would also look at your to-do list from last month if you'd had a meeting prior and say, hey, did we get that job done? Did you add the beneficiary on your retirement account? So you'll always be keeping track of what each of you is accountable for and needs to do. And then you there's a whole cohort and you spend most of the time in the meeting talking about issues. Um, some issues may be, I don't understand um what's going on with our retirement planning. Um, can we talk through that? Let's identify, discuss, and solve for my lack of understanding. Um, an issue may be we don't know who to make the guardian for our kids in our estate plan. How are we gonna tackle that? Let's discuss, discuss our options and find um a path toward progress. Um, so if you spend your time discussing discussing those issues, eventually you'll come out of the meeting with a new to-do list, things that you're gonna get done before the next meeting. I would suggest you have this type of meeting monthly. Um, and then that's a great way to kind of stay on similar and the same pages without a financial professional.

A Simple Monthly Money Meeting

SPEAKER_01 16:24

But then if you just find yourself getting to more elevated financial decisions, I think retirement is one of those. If money's piling up and you don't know where to put it, or you have persistent challenges with debt or, you know, kind of family budget deficits, um, then it also may be time, or again, if you're just like the administrative burden of this job is too much for me. I need help implementing, and we don't have that natural assistant here in the family to help get things done, then that's a great time to discuss in your family meeting whether you should add a financial professional, or if you're working with a financial professional, but they are lacking in terms of, you know, thinking about more than perhaps your accounts or your taxes. Maybe you need someone different that looks at the bigger financial picture, which is what I always recommend the role of a financial advisor or financial planner be. Um, you need someone who is going to roll up their sleeves and get involved with more of your financial life. Um, and that could be the role of someone like me, a certified financial planner. There's so many of us out there that do really terrific work. Um, so bringing them into the conversation so that you can reduce your administrative burden, for focus more on your financial goals and results, and have a helper when it comes to both that decision fatigue, but also making um pathways toward incremental progress for, you know, being more prepared for financial outcomes.

When To Bring In A Pro

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Um what do you guys think? I'd be curious to hear in comments or if you send me an email. I'd love to hear your listener emails sent to Melissa at Perlplanning.com. Are you the financial CFO? Is it someone else in the family? And does your family have the need um to make some adjustments, make some changes when it comes to your financial um well-being, communication cycle, or just who's in charge of that to-do list? I hope you enjoyed this episode. I would love to hear your thoughts and um thanks so much for listening. If you're enjoying our episodes, please um let us know by leaving reviews, comments, or liking our podcasts where at the places that they're played. Thanks so much and have a great week.

Support The Show And Resources

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Thank you for listening to the Women's Money Wisdom podcast. If you found value in this episode, the best way that you can support the podcast is to forward an episode to a friend or leave a review. Go to ProPlan.com and the podcast link to get all the resources and links mentioned. This presentation by Pro Planning is intended for general information purposes only. No portion of this presentation serves as the receipt of or substitute for personal investment advice from Pro Planning or any other investment professional of your choosing. Copies of Pro Planning's current rent and disclosure brochure and from CRS discussing our advisory services and fees are available upon request or on our website platform at PerlPlan.com. The information that we share is meant to educate and inspire, not serve as personalized financial advice. Everyone's situation is unique, so be sure to consult with your own financial professional for guidance that fits your life. And just so you know, the opinions shared in this podcast are Melissa's own and those of her guests. They don't necessarily represent any organizations with which Melissa is affiliated. For more important disclosures, please go to our webpage at proplan.com.